Life Behind The Filter... A Brief Thought Dump
There’s a cool trend on IG at the moment… #lifebehindthefilter. I started writing a caption but then it got too long so now it’s a blog post! This is what came to mind in that exact moment, however this is of course not my entire life behind the filter.
I’ve always been super into my health and the power of the mind. I used to have green smoothies when I was a young teenager before instagram was even invented, but back then it was the weirdest thing to do, and I wouldn’t tell anyone or let any of my friends see me drinking them (oh how times have changed where now you wouldn’t dare drink a green smoothie without showing all of your followers bahahaha).
But not just food, I was fascinated by the power of the mind from a young age (I was super emotionally aware early on in life, I was a really deep thinker for a kid)… When I was about 14 I went to the book store to buy the famous spirituality book The Power Of Now by Ekhart Tolle. The woman was confused and tried to direct me towards other books that would be better suited to my brain. Horrified, I looked her dead in the face and said “no I want this one and I will understand it”. I tried and tried to read it and for the life of me, I just could not grasp most of the concepts. Fast forward to 2019 and I still find this book very hard to read and understand haha in fact I don’t recommend it to people - I prefer The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - It’s like a more relatable version of a very similar concept and I also like Stillness Speaks by Ekhart Tolle.
I love dancing, every time I’m happy I will dance - and I’ve done this since I was a toddler. It’s just like a knee jerk reaction, and still now, I find a quick dance can immediately reverse a bad mood - that and a cold shower and I’m good to go! Dancing totally makes my soul alive, and for a long time I lost that, I’m slowly starting to get back to it though.
I was a dancer the entire way through my schooling, and when I was 10 years old I travelled the USA with a dance squad and we performed in Disney Land, Universal Studios and all over Cali. Because of my dancing background, I learnt to get very comfortable with G strings early on LOL, I haven’t worn “normal underwear” since I was 12.
I get serious fomo when it comes to socialising… I love to socialise, and I love meeting new people, in fact it’s one of my favourite things about living in Bondi, there is so much to do and every weekend is packed with brunch dates, drinks, birthdays, dinner parties and more. I struggle to say no to social events and parties even when I know I’ve got work to do or I need to give my body a rest.
I know fomo is a bit of a joke but there’s a more serious note to it… I’ve experienced periods of depression and very low moods in the past where I had zero zest for life and no self worth whatsoever. And in these times I would never go out, and I’d never socialise or do anything, I was a common “no-show” at social events and it got to a point where people close to me would be more shocked if I did show up to something than if I didn’t.
Fast forward and I’ve worked on this so I don’t experience these moods on a daily basis anymore… And I go out a lot. But still… Every time I get the incling not to go to something or to turn down an invite, a big part of me gets really scared of going back to dark places that I never want to go back to.